I feel trapped in a life of mediocrity. From Monday through Friday, I feel like I'm doing the same exact thing. I force myself to get up in the morning and I'm asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. Yet I'm not really sure what I accomplished throughout the day. Did I do anything for God? Did I do anything for me? Did I think of my family and friends? I think I did...maybe...can't even recall. I feel trapped.

I feel trapped in my house. I find myself wondering how I'm going to leave? I can't just move out, that's just taboo for haitians. And even if it was okay for me to do so, I'm not financially capable right now and won't be for a while now. I can get married so that the man of my dreams could sweep me away! But that would be require me to have a boo and I don't have any prospects [sigh]....next. I even thought about cooking up a plan to get my family to kick me out, but that's just dumb. I really feel trapped.

I feel trapped in undergrad. Why the heck am I still taking econ classes. Oh, right...I keep failing them. This cycle never ends. I remember when I used to go to PG Community college and took the 2 hour metro commute everyday; when I was early, I would take the bus that went through UMD. I would imagine how it would be to go to a real university and I totally dismissed the notion that I would be there one day. But then God made a way, I got accepted, and I was overjoyed. I think I stayed happy and in awe until I failed my first econ class. And then I kept failing them. Was God trying to tell me something? Clearly I didn't get the hint...ignored the hint? I'm being punished. I am trapped.

I feel trapped in the Gospel. I wanted to end this on a good note! I know that there will never be a way for me to run from or ignore the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I keep getting flashbacks from this one time in high school when I was in a club or at a party and everyone was gettin' it. All my friends were there and I was trying hard to have fun too but I heard a voice say I wasn't supposed to be there. That made me confused for a long time. Then one day I realized that God was talking to me and calling me to be set apart. He's everywhere that I am and there's not use running...I'm trapped!

I've been so inspired by my Codean's blog. Today's blog was really inspirational for me because I was gonna blog about the same topic yesterday but then I forgot. I'm one of those people she mentioned...who tries to imagine what she's going through and how I would react and feel in that situation. But I can't even fathom or nearly comprehend unless I actually go through it. I admire the fact that she's blogging about her life and giving us a window into her life....letting us glimpse into what she's feeling and thinking. She is so strong and of course she doesn't realize it. "We wanna be just like her when we grow up!" [SP08]

I told my line sister that if something tragic happens in my life, tell me to blog about it because I think blogging will help me through it just like I hope it's helping my Codean. But I had to correct myself; it's not "if" something tragic happens, it's actually "when". C'est La Vie: that's life. Life is uncontrollable and mysterious, exciting, tedious, and tragic. I'm excited and scared and anxious all at the same time. I can't wait to discover my God given passion, grow in Christ, find my true love, treasure my family, enjoy my wonderful friends (and make new ones), and see the world. I'm scared of unforseen tragedies that are sure to come. How will I handle the bad hand that life will eventually deal me? I'm anxious...what kind of hand will be dealt to me next?

I've been told many times that we gotta live life to the fullest. Each day I wake up wondering how I'm going to do that...I still don't fully understand what that means and how I can apply it to my life. I want to do that. I heard this song by Mary Mary today that ministered to me today: